Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
