I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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