Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
