I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
