everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
