At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
