I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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