If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
