I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she pinky promised me she was 18
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize