Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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