Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
