Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
