Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
