i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Randomize
