I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
