Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
