when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
