I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
