Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
