thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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