apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize