I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
