I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
