i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
