i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
