you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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