so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
