I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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