Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
