Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i think i just lost a toe
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
