yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
