At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
