we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
