4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
