I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize