Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
