oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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