I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
