Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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