If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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