So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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