There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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