He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
