Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize