There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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