he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
