Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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