the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
