Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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