he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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