Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
