you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
