I need help removing her.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize