totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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