i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
