his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
