i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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