I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
