dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
