Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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