I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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