Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
