this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
