I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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