ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
